Cheeky Coconut Smoothy Lo

Going with Whisper again on this (with others to) for fixes. Perhaps we should get an idea rather then telling the reader: "And—as if that wasn’t enough—if you could have ...

"Far-fetched. We all knew it! Never doubted that the man would fail. Well, until he showed up and changed his ways. [s]Once again, [/s][s]I was surprised, but he ready to ...

I saw a lot of mistakes, but I think Whispers91 caught them all before I could get to it. That being said, I don't really like this kind of storytelling ...

This ends like a greeting card and that is not a compliment in this case. The poem just drags on when the mood and the meaning are clear. You tell ...

"Buds, then leaves, are on your limbs, all fall off and you turn thin. But in the spring, come buds anew! Hoping to turn, to you. To give it life, ...

Rather short, could use a lot more description on Phoenix and the surroundings of the boy in chapter 1. It lacks a setting and that makes it hard to get ...

"The ocean had long since turned black with vile chemicals, but something about the view had a dark charm. The blend of opaque waves with dirty gray sand had an ...

Meter does not follow, but your best piece is: "so she sits some more in the darkness and gloom the only one in an empty room and prays for someone ...

Sheriff is not a specific name of a badge or hat, no caps on the 'S' please. As for his office, capitalize the O. Contrary to Author13's comment on the ...

Yes, they had newspapers in the 1800s. However, I rather like the way it is written. Since this is a narration by the main character it is perfectly acceptable as ...

Fearful winds screamed as dark energy concentrated onto into the palm of shady figure. Twirling his hands, he forced the energy into crowds of helpless villagers who were burnt, frozen, ...